Malfunction
by Zorak101
Summary: Neelix dies, ha ha ha!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Voyager or any other Star Trek show.

rated T: cursing

Sorry about the last one but I have fixed it now.

Star Trek Voyager: Malfunction

"Captains log supplemental star date 48921.5We have finished downloading 26 Snoop Dog albums

into the main mp3 data files it is set to play at Lieutenant Tuvok's birthday party Tonight.''

She pauses interrupted by a hoard of flies she quickly reacts by hurling her coffee mug at them vaporizing them instantly." Gotcha bastards ."

She walks on to the brig .

"Bridge." she shows signs of frustration with the narrator.

"Pardon?" I replied.

Janeway replies "you said brig when you were supposed to say bridge."

"My apologies Captain." I replied Embarrassed that I was shown up by the Captain in my own parody.

The Captain walked onto the bridge only to find that Harry was playing the tuba beautifully.

The Captain looks at him, "Ensign?"

Harry stops playing the instrument for the moment "This morning I woke up and decided that I wanted to learn to play the tuba."

Janeway kindly replied, "very well Ensign, Please go on!"

With one loud note, B flat to be precise, the view screen shatters into a million pieces and the tuba was sucked into the vacuum of space and a containment field appeared where the view screen had once been.

"Janeway looked directly at the ceiling, "Computer transfer emergency viewscreen to replace the other one".

With one satisfying beep the viewscreen wad fixed.

Harry sighed, "There goes two weeks pay !''

Janeway looked at him clearly pissed off, "I want a full report on my desk tomorrow."

Harry replied "But Captain Tuvok's party."

Janeway Laughed at his attempts to get out of this one, "That can be rearranged he didn't seem to want to go anyway, if I remember right it was Neelix's idea in the first place to celebrate his birthday.

"Janeway to Neelix"

..."Neelix here"

The Captain yelled, "Mr. Neelix delay the party tonight that's an order."

. Neelix replied rubbing his ear viciously. "I can hear you but Captain I spent weeks planning for the party tonight" , "imagine how Mr. Vulcan is going to take the news."

Back in Tuvok's quarters he is seen streaking in fits of joy.

(Tom wakes up in his quarters and makes his way down too deck 02 Tom walks into the mess hall and strait to the replicater.)

"Computer one bowl of macaroni and cheese."

(The computer replicates a bowl of noodles and a block of cheese.)

Tom: "Damn,"

"Computer replicate a meal,"

(The computer replicated a small mill.)

(He confiscated for the embarrassment by storming off.)

(It seems that only Tom in his luck could waste two replicater rations.)

(Tom walked toward the turbo lift where Tuvok was standing with his hands behind his back as if anyone could see him but soon Tom would give purpose to his meaningless logical stance.)

(Back on the bridge Chakotay and the Captain were engaged in deep conversation about foods Neelix prepared that they swear that they will never ever try again.)

(Tuvok slipped a note to the Captain.)

She read the piece of paper with a worried expression on her face, (we are receiving a hail from the bog)

Janeway: "open a channel."

Borg: We are the Borg we will add you're technological and biological...

Janeway: "Tuvok!"

Tuvok: Captain I believe that the only logical explanation is a malfunction...

Janeway to the crew This is the Captain everyone is ordered to take shore leave

(mwwa mwaa mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaa)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:Shoreleave denied

"Captains log star date 48922.3, the Borg have denied our request too take shore leave which has seriously seem to have pissed the rest of the crew off."

(Chakotay walked in the ready room and washed her mouth out with soap.) "Bad Janeway, bad!"(He yelled showing no sign of remorse.)

"Dismissed." (Janeway said in her stern but cold voice.)

"Eye Captain." (He said with a puppy dog face.)

(He walked out of the room as if he had been demoted to crewman.)

"Janeway to Neelix."

"Neelix here Captain."

"Mr. Neelix get out of my personnel dining room now."

"But Captain you said that we could use it for a mess hall."

"Request denied." (The Captain said for the thousandth time.)

"Captain to Lieutenant Tuvok."

"Tuvok here."

"Place Mr. Neelix in the brig."

(Tuvok almost smiled.)"With pleasure."

(The captain smiled, laughed, cried, and then punched the wall.)

(In the background Chakotay is heard screaming in pain.)

"Owww my penis hurts so bad."

(The Captain walked onto the bridge.)

"Beam Mr. Tuvok to sickbay."

"But what about me." Chakotay asked

(Janeway replied.)"Go to Hell." (She replied in her usual go to hell voice.)

Chakotay sighed, "could this day get any worse."

"Be' Lanna to the bridge, we have no life support in commander Chakotay's quarters."

"Acknowledged."

(The captain pauses as a thought crosses her mind.) "Chakotay confine yourself in you're quarters that's an order."

(Chakotay nods his head, spits on her and storms off to his quarters where he will die a horrible and painful death.)

"Tuvok to Captain Janeway, what do you want me to do about Neelix?"

(The Captain paused for a minute, not for a second or two but an entire minute, in fact if she had not wasted

that one minute the crew would have been home one minute early.)

"I forgot that the captain had the helm oh and by the way no shit."

(I could erase you from this story Tom ...I could.)

"My bad I didn't realize that you had fans."

(You're out, now were was I.)

"Back by popular demand its...Captain Proton as... Lieutenant Tom Paris."

(There is no way you could pull this off.)

"I just can't do it Captain I just don't have the power."

(Anyway were where we.. oh yes, the Captain paused for a minute, a whole minute.)

"Off with his head." She ordered.

(Why do so many people have to die.)


End file.
